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Newsletters>
How to Manage Your Holiday Stress
December 24, 2005
by Kim Olver
Are you plagued by holiday stress year after year? Do you
feel as if you are a victim in all of this? Do you believe
that you are the ONLY one in your household who is
contributing to the success of the holiday?
Let me share with you some ideas for making the holidays
manageable. I used to literally make myself nuts during
holiday time. I was married to a man who thought his
contribution to the holiday was simply to show up, eat his
fill and then watch television in the living room while I
cleaned up the kitchen. I also had two sons who couldn’t
care less about the trimmings of the holiday season.
What I am about to suggest may offend your sensibilities
but it does stand a good chance of greatly reducing your
holiday stress. When you are finished with this article,
you’ll have to decide what is most important to
you---having everything just perfect or regaining some of
your sanity. When all is said and done, you can always
continue to do it just as you’ve always done. I’m only
providing some alternative suggestions.
What is your typical routine? Of course, for me there was
mailing of at least 100 Christmas cards. Often this was the
only way I was able to stay in touch with people I cared
about.
Then there was the gift buying. I married into a family
where I instantly inherited 20 nieces and nephews and the
family insisted that all children receive a gift from all
the aunts and uncles until they reached the age of 25! No
matter what I said, they were not going to be swayed from
their position. Christmas shopping, for me, was a chore.
Then, after the gifts were purchased, there were the many
hours of gift-wrapping that was required. And what about
putting up the Christmas tree and decorating the rest of
the house? Let’s not forget the cleaning that had to be
done to make my house presentable for the drop-in holiday
visitors. There was also the baking of the many multiple
varieties of cookies and the preparation of whatever food I
was expected to bring to any myriad of places to which we
were invited for holiday party after holiday party. Add to
that the stress of the inevitable weight gain over the
holidays and it was no wonder I was crabby and irritable.
Once I began to practice Inside Out Living, ™ I had to
question the sanity of all the rituals in which I engaged
myself. The first question I asked was, “How many things am
I doing because I believe I have to and how many are for my
pleasure and the pleasure of my family?”
I remember one particular Christmas when I was feeling
especially stressed, I told my children I either needed
help with holiday preparations or I needed to cut some
things out of the holiday routine. They made it clear they
didn’t really want to help in reducing the load of things
that I put on myself but they were more than willing to
forego many holiday traditions. In fact, what they told me
is that we didn’t need a tree. All they cared about was
presents and they didn’t even need them to be wrapped!
That was eye opening for me. Now it was clear that anything
beyond gifts was something I was choosing to do and not
something that was necessary to the success of the holiday
for my children.
Next, I had to assess what was necessary for me. I decided
I wanted to send Christmas cards to stay in touch with
friends and family and I wanted to wrap my children’s gifts
so I could enjoy the expressions of surpise and pleasure on
their faces as they opened their gifts.
That particular Christmas, I discovered the joy of sending
out New Year’s cards. That’s right. I stopped pressuring
myself to get the cards out before Christmas. After all,
the purpose was to keep in touch with people. It turned out
to be much better to send my card in January. It definitely
stood out from the rest!
I didn’t put up a tree. My children really didn’t care if
we had one or not. Neither did I. Great stress reducer.
I also gave up the idea that everyone in the home SHOULD
contribute to the work involved in the holidays. In
demanding assistance from unwilling family members, the
only thing I accomplished was to alienate the people I
loved the most. The whole holiday hype was not important to
them. If it were, they would have more willingly provided
the assistance for which I asked.
In shopping for the nieces and nephews, I discovered the
value of gift cards. The kids love them because they can
pick out whatever they want and they protect them from
getting those unwanted, unappreciated gifts from an aunt or
uncle who really doesn’t know them well enough to purchase
a gift they would truly appreciate.
Another suggestion, particularly if you have older
children, is to take the money you would normally spend on
gifts and find a family who needs it more than you and
purchase gifts for another family as part of your new
Christmas ritual.
As for the cookies, I stopped making 27 different varieties
and only made chocolate chip cookies---the family’s
favorite. They were always a hit and no one really the
liked the others anyway!
And as for the weight gain, there are two possible
solutions. Approach the holidays with reckless abandon.
Know that you will gain weight and that you will address it
in January. The other option is to take control of your
eating. Eat smaller portions and taste, instead of devour,
any of the many sweets offered during holiday parties.
Copyright © December 2005 Kim Olver. All rights reserved
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